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My Smurfs

Meet the unlucky crew I've press ganged into supporting my cause.

Éminence grise

Nickname: Brainy Smurf

Institutions: American Academy of Arts and Sciences, Harvard

Observations: Good editor. Responds to rewards. Resist his attempts to meddle with content or semantics.

Other: Knows the foreign minister. Occasionally refers to himself as Huck Finn.

Alter ego

Nickname: Smarty Smurf

Institutions: Yale, Quinnipiac

Observations: Subversive. Understands the nature of the problem. Any problem.

Other: Lived for several years in a small garage. Still rides the Vespa.

Chairman of the Board

Nickname: Trusty Smurf

Institutions: Rotarian, non-profit board maven

Observations: Organizational freak. Lists, lists, lists. Saves files on everything.

Other: Seating for a hundred in his back yard. Won't notice if you drink his beer. Hates paying sales tax.

Better Call Saul

Nickname: Tricky Smurf

Institutions: Redacted and Redacted, LLC

Observations: Does not like opposing counsel. Enjoys seeing defendents get what they deserve.

Other: Never actually attended law school. Owns Broil King (TM) electric griddle, has ping pong table in garage.

Debbie Downer

Nickname: Missy Smurf

Institutions: Department of Health, Metals Lab

Observations: Green thumb. Not afraid of snakes and reptiles. Aggressive forager.

Other: Once walked out of March of the Penguins to protest penguin treatment.

Guest Chef

Nickname: Lady Smurf

Institutions: Our Lady of Peace

Observations: You will never go hungry. Cheats at cards.

Other: Recently challenged me to a french toast throw down. I did not take the bait.

If you need to ask...

Nickname: Goodwin

Institutions: Respectable, every one of them

Observations: Requires constant feeding and attention, but comes in very handy sometimes

Other: Owns a pretty nice sailboat, marlinspike sailor